Dear Pain,
Writing this is not as easy as it seems. It’s personal yet I know there are a lot of people out there that are suffering and most likely more than I am. It’s just that it’s personal but I’m just gonna get over it.
I have physical and emotional pain. My physical pain is due to the inability to breathe well due to COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) and emphysema. I become short of breath if I go for a brisk walk (sometimes not even brisk). I use a couple of inhalers that do help. I also use occasionally concentrated oxygen, both portable and stationary. That helps too but still I labor for air. I also tire easily. The worst part is not being able to do stuff. Even though I am getting worse and there is no cure, I do find things I like to do and some things I used to do but in moderation. So I try to look at the bright side.
My mental health also suffers but I do have a few friends and critical family who do understand. That brings me some solace and not such an alone feeling. However, there are days……
Somehow being realistic gives me some solace. In college one of the first classes I took had a book that was recommended reading. I don’t remember the title of the book but the bottom line of the book was: Have a reason for getting out of bed in the morning. That kind of stuck with me and when I think of that now, I have less things to get me out of bed. All the things I used to do are getting fewer as time goes by. The important thing here is that I still do have reasons for getting out of bed in the morning and that is what counts. Used to… is just the past. So as I take inventory of my emotional place on my map of life, I struggle but then come to the realization….ok what’s next! I can’t measure who I was before this disease just as I can’t measure who I am compared to someone else. I am who I am.
So Pain: you’re killing me…But I’m not dead yet. You take things I love away. Yet I am still loving and embracing life, as much as you will allow me. Hey, I still have a reason for getting out of bed in the morning. For some, that’s enormous. And it is for me too.
-Anonymous