In 2010 I was 20 years old living in a house with 11 girls. We lived in a little “town” called Isla Vista located in Santa Barbara, California. You’re living in a beach town surrounded by drinking and partying. Every year we had THE TIME of our lives. Near the end of our second year I started to feel off. I developed consistent migraines and I had pain radiating throughout my body. I couldn’t hold a cup full of water without spilling it. This was just the start of tremors and myoclonic jerks. All these symptoms began to worsen and became persistent. I started to seclude myself from my friends. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and be left alone. 

I tried my best to hide how I was feeling because if I did I thought I would be able to keep up with everyone. I started getting SO sick of feeling like sh*t and being in pain. The pain was so excruciating I could barely brush my teeth. I wanted to keep my happy, carefree image up and I wanted to continue to do all the things my friends were doing. I am sure if you have gone through something like this you probably have felt that heavy FOMO (fear of missing out). My parents flew down from Washington State and stayed for an entire month. They wanted to support me and help me figure out what was going on with my health. While they were in town they rented a quaint little cottage in downtown Santa Barbara. I left the girls and lived with my parents for about a month. I drowned myself in Hot yoga. When I say I drowned myself in yoga… I attended classes every single day- sometimes twice a day. It’s a 90 minute class in a room heated at over 110 degrees. It was the only place I felt like I could escape and sweat out my pain and anger. I started to notice the inability to hold postures with my arms overhead. I lost feeling in my arms, shoulders and hands. The pain began radiating down my arms and into my back. I am very competitive-especially with myself so I kept going to class after class. I finally reached my limit and decided I had to go to the doctors. 

My first experiences in the emergency room…It was probably the WORST experience to this day. I was in a ball on a chair close to screaming in pain. At the time I looked like a young college student and they knew I lived in Isla Vista. I assume they figured I was there to stock up pain meds. Even though no type of pain medication would work for my system, and/or I was allergic to it. They ended up giving me the strongest medication they had, which was an injection of Demerol and it didn’t even touch the pain. I was still in severe pain and they refused to continue treating me or give me any meds to take home. At no point during my visit did they try to discover WHY I was in pain. They were just trying to put a band-aid over my symptoms. They thought I was seeking pain meds for enjoyment. After this experience I thought it would be best to go directly to a specialist. I had high hopes that they could figure out what these symptoms were all about. 

For one year I saw about seven doctors who were all unable to diagnose me. I was told (indirectly) that it was all in my head. That the pain I was experiencing wasn’t real. I was told I had depression, (I was depressed because I was in so much pain and no one believed me) anxiety and insomnia. I was handed every kind of pill you could imagine. At the time, I was unaware of how these medications can take a toll on your body. I had little knowledge in the health world and I was desperate to feel better. So, I just did what was recommended and took the medications. Every single medication had multiple side effects. You know those CVS receipts you get that are as long as you are tall? That’s what the side effects list looked like. I experienced almost all of those side effects. I was on my last straw dealing with doctors. I was so over it. I ended up sucking up my pain and stopped going to doctors. At the time I gave up and as time went on I knew I couldn’t give up. I had to take back my power and heal. This was just the beginning of my Chronic Pain journey.

I could sit here and complain to you about all the terrible encounters I’ve had with doctors, but that is not what I want this space to be about. I do want it to be a place where you can read and relate to the frustrations we all go through. I want this to be a place to help guide you. Instead of me “complaining” about all the terrible doctors I have seen. I want to give you the light at the end of the tunnel. You WILL find the right doctor. You will find someone who will help you, listen to you, hear you, empathize with you, encourage you and give you hope. It might take one day, or it could take you a couple years. Just please don’t give up. I almost did. Some days I was inches away from throwing in the towel. Just try your best to not completely lose it. Find a support group whether that be your family and friends, an online forum, or stay connected through The Uncommon Balance. I see you and I hear you.

My Top 5 Tips For Working With Health Professionals When You Don’t Feel Heard

• Keep a Health Journal of your health status, symptoms and treatments and share it with your doctors – the more information the better!
• Do your research – read A LOT about your symptoms and research all kinds of health professionals that fall into caring for your specific symptoms
• Be open-minded to all different kinds of doctors
• Continue to make yourself a priority and keep pushing for someone to dive deeper into the root cause of your symptoms
• Take care of yourself as best you can and DON’T GIVE UP!

A small little light lit up my path and that started in 2012:

With the help and support of my dad he found a Neurologist located in Santa Barbara. He found him on Google. Can we just appreciate that Google exists for a second!? If I really think about it, Google was the first step in saving my life. In the middle of 2012 I started seeing Dr. David C. Agnew. Little did I know he would give me my life back in more ways than one. Dr. Agnew has been a specialist in Neurology and Pain Medicine for over 48 years. I don’t know what I would have done without him. He eventually diagnosed me with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. I want you to keep that drive and listen to your gut. If you think something is wrong, keep searching for answers. Find someone who will TRULY listen to you. I know it’s an exhausting path, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

-Courtney